Too Good to be True
If you were to graph my mental clarity over the past work week it would look like the Dow Jones at the end of 2008.
The week started off optimistic with my newfound substance. I popped a pink (20mg) tab Monday morning and by the time I hit the office I was firing on all cylinders. Even the often nebulous workload was met with anticipation and a will to conquer. By lunch time I was starting to fatigue a bit, so to doctors’ orders, I popped my second dose of the day. One of my fondest work memories will be the reverie I felt while coding that warm Monday afternoon.
Feeling absolutely high with possibilities for what the future now held, I enjoyed a quiet evening at home followed by easy and deep sleep.
Tuesday morning I was out of bed at 7 to begin a repeat of Monday. Like any get-rich-quick scheme, often the only merit is the anticipation. I swallowed the morning dose in anticipation of a productive morning. Sure enough, by mid-morning I was hacking code like a pulp novel. The afternoon dose didn’t seem to grip though.
On Wednesday the distinct effects seemed to be waning. While I was still functioning, the snowfall of clarity seemed less obvious. Still two doses, 20mg upon awaking and another 20 at 1pm.
Thursday morning I started to feel anxious and iritable. I was feeling more chaos in my thoughts and slinging regretable emails at clients… a usual response traced back to a head full of mis-firing synapses. I also started feeling much more fatigued.
By Friday the effects of Adderall had been reduced to disappointment. With no change of dose I stared at the monitor most of the day wondering what happened.
From a search on the Google it appears that Adderall tolerance is fairly common, and quick to build. I’m taking an ‘Adderall vacation’ this weekend to see if I can recover some benefit next week. Perhaps if I use it only in a break-glass-in-emergency situation, it will still provide some relief. If that’s the case, I wonder why the doc prescribed three doses per day?
In: Depression · Tagged with: adderall tolerance, bi-polar, Depression, unable to concentrate