More is Apparently Better
I couldn’t hold out another month. I’ve been feeling the slide for weeks now. Last weekend I was nearly comatose, or at very most, walking ineffectiveness. My next follow-up wasn’t until April but I didn’t want to lose another month so I called yesterday and was able to sneak in by a cancellation today.
It’s no problem for me to sleep 12 hours these days. The only stimulation that gets me out of bed in the morning is that my job expects me to show up. At the end of the day my mind is a quivering skull of useless goo. My drive home, while slow and therapeutic gives way to dinner and a very sedated evening that is closed out around 9pm only to cycle again 10 hours later.
Dr. Jtrklzchk listened as I explained my recent downward spiral. Instead of trying some ‘plan B’ medication she pulled out her prescription pad and whittled me some new chemical. Same ingredients, new dosage. The Symbyax was up to 6/50… essentially the same Zyprexa dosage that is causing the somnia, but twice the happy (Prozac.) Mistakenly I challenged her wisdom by reiterating my descent to void.
“If a drug makes you sleepy and un-motivated, wouldn’t more of it make me more sleepy and un-motivated?” I pleaded.
She just stared over her desk with those shot-up Eastern block dentals letting me know that I was making stoopvid assumptions. I felt the love and slithered back into calm submission.
Then, like a pusher tossing in a dime baggy for good business, she scribbled out another three months of Adderall instant release. She suggested I pop one late in the afternoon to have a couple good hours in the evening, as an extension to the XR that has reportedly been keeping me productive.
I’ve got so many prescriptions for head medications on my fridge door that the magnet can’t hold them anymore. Fortunately the good doctor dated each one as to when I was supposed to fill it. Sort of like pinning a note to my Gar-animals to remind my guardian when to produce lunch money.
I think there’s a placebo affect after visiting the shrink. I haven’t taken new dosage #1 and I’m feeling more hopeful. Perhaps that’s all I’m getting. The drugs are doing nothing, but I’m feeling hopeful that they might work so that lasts awhile. I just don’t know, but I’ll take hint on the Adderall and start eating them like chiclets in the afternoon. As long as my supplier can keep me stocked and motivated with tweek, who am I to argue? She’s an MD… I’m just a DA (DumbAss)
In: Depression · Tagged with: Adderall, bad medicine, bi-polar, Depression, psychiatrist, shrink, Symbyax, unable to concentrate